Dearest LB & GY,
Please allow me to divert a little from my usual prayers, but I hope that you know my prayers are always the same for my family, loved ones, friends and everyone. Everyday. I pray for them all.
I'm not sure if I am having my PMS. I seem to be having mild mood swings! Of course, I'm feeling a little tired as well with the training.
I've been having some issues in my head. I'm not quite sure if I am staying true to myself or not and sometimes, I question - what I am doing. I seem to attempt teaching the children but it also seems like I lack finesse and patience in doing so. And at the end of the day, I question it. I don't even know what I am trying to achieve anymore and I question my own motive!
If I were to ask myself, yes, sincerely, I want the kids to have a chance at a better future. But I don't think what I am doing so far will help them get there. It takes money, and I know that. I want to save up some money to at least enable these kids to go for recreational hobby lessons - perhaps, art, piano, cooking..... this, I really want to do. Sincerely.
But the time spent with them everyday now - I don't know what it all means anymore. I can't view what I am doing as great. I can't view what I am doing as honourable. At the same time, I want to spend time with them. I have no issues with the rain or whatever it may be. It's just that - I have no idea what I am doing and why. I think I just need to be sure. I don't want to question my own motives for doing what I do, you know? Like I always pray for your blessings and guidance in helping me stay true to myself.
And then there's also the question of my methods. My patience. Oh my goodness, I look back and then I realize - holy crap. I need to exercise more patience with these kids and when did I start losing it? When they can't count something as simple, I .... I need to be more cautious, I know. I need to bear in mind that these kids have a learning disability. Yes - I think I question - whether I am caring with 100% heart and genuinity and compassion. Yes, I think that's what I am questioning now.
Dear LB & GY,
I think I have thought it through and I do sincerely want to help people who are underprivileged and I want, I want, not just hope to do the same thing when I move over to YG. But I need guidance as my compassion seem to be in question here. I mean, I am compassionate, but if I really am compassionate, shouldn't I have more patience? How do I help others with limited budget and funds? And how do I help others with limited language communication skills?
Dear LB & GY,
Please do bless me and guide me and give me signs of what I need to do. I know, I know there was a sign last week - a reminder that I must practise kindness to everyone I see. Is it kindness if I don't force the kids to learn?
Dearest LB & GY,
Please guide me with clarity and wisdom in doing what I do. Please continue guiding me to become a better person. In all ways possible. Free of ill-thoughts and one who practises great compassion. I shall preservere and have unwaverith faith. Please bless me in that too.
Thank you for listening.
Eileen
Please allow me to divert a little from my usual prayers, but I hope that you know my prayers are always the same for my family, loved ones, friends and everyone. Everyday. I pray for them all.
I'm not sure if I am having my PMS. I seem to be having mild mood swings! Of course, I'm feeling a little tired as well with the training.
I've been having some issues in my head. I'm not quite sure if I am staying true to myself or not and sometimes, I question - what I am doing. I seem to attempt teaching the children but it also seems like I lack finesse and patience in doing so. And at the end of the day, I question it. I don't even know what I am trying to achieve anymore and I question my own motive!
If I were to ask myself, yes, sincerely, I want the kids to have a chance at a better future. But I don't think what I am doing so far will help them get there. It takes money, and I know that. I want to save up some money to at least enable these kids to go for recreational hobby lessons - perhaps, art, piano, cooking..... this, I really want to do. Sincerely.
But the time spent with them everyday now - I don't know what it all means anymore. I can't view what I am doing as great. I can't view what I am doing as honourable. At the same time, I want to spend time with them. I have no issues with the rain or whatever it may be. It's just that - I have no idea what I am doing and why. I think I just need to be sure. I don't want to question my own motives for doing what I do, you know? Like I always pray for your blessings and guidance in helping me stay true to myself.
And then there's also the question of my methods. My patience. Oh my goodness, I look back and then I realize - holy crap. I need to exercise more patience with these kids and when did I start losing it? When they can't count something as simple, I .... I need to be more cautious, I know. I need to bear in mind that these kids have a learning disability. Yes - I think I question - whether I am caring with 100% heart and genuinity and compassion. Yes, I think that's what I am questioning now.
Dear LB & GY,
I think I have thought it through and I do sincerely want to help people who are underprivileged and I want, I want, not just hope to do the same thing when I move over to YG. But I need guidance as my compassion seem to be in question here. I mean, I am compassionate, but if I really am compassionate, shouldn't I have more patience? How do I help others with limited budget and funds? And how do I help others with limited language communication skills?
Dear LB & GY,
Please do bless me and guide me and give me signs of what I need to do. I know, I know there was a sign last week - a reminder that I must practise kindness to everyone I see. Is it kindness if I don't force the kids to learn?
Dearest LB & GY,
Please guide me with clarity and wisdom in doing what I do. Please continue guiding me to become a better person. In all ways possible. Free of ill-thoughts and one who practises great compassion. I shall preservere and have unwaverith faith. Please bless me in that too.
Thank you for listening.
Eileen
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