28th April 2015 - Additional

Dearest LB & GY,

I would like to say my prayer of thanks.

I am thankful for all the love in my life. I am thankful for being so loved and so cared for by all my loved ones. I am thankful for all the food on my table. I am thankful for all the clothes on my back. I am thankful for all the roofs over my head. I simply have no reason to ask for more. Just guide me to share and share kindly, compassionately. Please.

I would like to also say my prayers for my family and loved ones.

I pray that they are always safe, sound and healthy - my grandma, my Mom, my Dad, my husband, all my family, loved ones, friends and the children. I pray that they are blessed with long and prosperous lives. I pray that their journey is smooth and filled with love and joy always. Please continue blessing them.

I would like to say a prayer for the people of Nepal.

I pray that those affected by the tragedy stay strong. I pray for you to bless them with peace and strength. My heart goes out to them, for nobody, nobody ever wants nor wish for something like this to happen to anyone at all. It is easy for me to feel lucky, and get on with my life because I am not affected by the tragedy. I cannot imagine how distraughting it feels for those affected by it. Please let me pray for peace for them.

Thank You

Eileen 

29th April 2015 - 5th May 2015

Dear LB & GY,

Something must be terribly wrong with me! I cannot understand what is with me wanting to kill myself over something that is so totally not worth the time nor effort.

Please, LB & GY, please guide me. Help me focus on my blessings. I am. I am. I cannot be more thankful for all the love that surrounds me. I cannot ask for anything more from a husband who tries so hard for me. I am truly, truly blessed.

Please guide me to do the right thing. For him, for all the people I love.

I need to stop my moment of weaknesses. I need to.

Please, LB & GY. Help me understand, help me move on, help me move past this. With grace.

Thank You

Eileen 

28th April 2015

Dearest LB & GY,

I would like to say a big prayer of thanks for an absolutely enjoyable trip with grandma and my husband. I hope the trip is a great memory for my grandma. For that, I am so blessed, I am so grateful.

Please continue blessing my family, my loved ones, my friends and the children. Keep them safe, sound and healthy and let them all live long and prosperous lives. Thank You.

Please continue guiding me to be a better person. Sometimes, I don't know why I can't control my thoughts and actions. Rationally, I can understand the situation, but I don't know what the hell is wrong with my action from that understanding. I just blurt out and I act out irrationally. It's..... uncalled for. On my part.

Please guide me. Please.

Thank You

Eileen 

9th April 2015 - Additional

Dear LB & GY,

I'm really not a good person

Please guide me.

I am really thankful for all that I have. I really am. I am asking myself honestly, and I know I am thankful for these blessings. Please guide me to continuously appreciate all the good in my life. Please guide not to be short-sighted. Please guide me not to want more. Please guide me to share, and share kindly and compassionately without expectations. Please, Mr. B. Guide me. Thank You.

I don't understand what I am doing and thinking. This curve ball has thrown me off my feet for a bit. In my head, in my head I know and I know all too well, this is so wrong. Please guide me with the wisdom to not play with fire.

Even as I am writing this, I know I am not taking heed. So, please Mr. B. Guide me.

Guide me and help me be a better person. Where's the sparkly, bright-eyed girl who gets amazed with everything? Please guide me and bless me to be a better person - kinder, more compassionate, more patient, more understanding, more inspiring, one who thinks good, does good and feels good always. Please guide and bless me with strength, wisdom and courage to make the best and rightest decisions and stay true to myself without excuses. Please guide me to stay focused, be at peace and calm, stay positive and have unwavering faith always. Thank You.

Whatever I am hoping for in that wrong, I know it's not real. Rationally, I know it's not real. Please guide me to see the truth.

Thank You.

Eileen

10th April 2015 - 27th April 2015

Dearest LB & GY,

I'm doing my prayers a lot in advanced...... This year, I haven't been really great with keeping up with my prayers. I'm sorry for that.

I do pray for the same thing from my heart everyday. I pray that my family, my Mom, Dad, Grandma, my husband, my friends, my loved ones, the children are always safe, sound and healthy and that they all live long and prosperous lives. I pray that they are always happy and that their journey is smooth sailing always. Thank You.

I pray for your guidance. I pray truly for your guidance. There are things I know I am doing wrong and I pray for the strength and wisdom to make it right. Recently, I cannot even decipher my feelings. It's...... not right. When once, I was so sure, I don't know how is it possible that a minute of irresponsibility could do so much harm. And still doing it. Right now. What is the problem, really? That I am hoping? Am I looking? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't understand what I'm feeling. Is it the thrill? What is wrong with me?

Please guide me. There are things that I am sure of. I am so sure of. But I don't know what is this need to play with fire. To know. To hope. To complicate things. I need to forget. I think that's what I need to do. I need to forget. I need to move past this. Please give me the strength to do so. Please.

Other than that, I am thankful, so very thankful for everything that I have and all the blessings that I get. I cannot ask for more. No, I have nothing to ask for more. Just thankful. Please guide me to carry on well, sincerely, with love and compassion.

Thank You.

Eileen 

3rd April 2015 - 9th April 2015

Dearest LB & GY,

This is not looking good....  I know I am doing something wrong, but I'm allowing myself to do it. I have absolutely no excuses whatsoever.

I am doing so many wrongs. I don't know what's right.

I am not sure if I would spiral downwards again.

I don't even know what I am to say. I have no excuses for my ..... bad behaviour and terrible judgement. Please guide me through this. Thank You.

I am thankful. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great, perfect husband and a wonderful marriage. I am thankful for that. I don't know what the hell I am doing. :(

I am thankful for a life that has treated me and my loved ones very well. I am thankful for all the love, opportunities, great experiences. I have no complains. I have no wants. I am happy and I am thankful for being so blessed. I need guidance to live my life right. Please guide me.

I pray as always, for my grandma, my Mom, my Dad, my husband, my loved ones and all my friends and the children. I pray that they are always safe, sound and healthy and that they all live long and prosperous lives. I pray that their journey is smooth and filled with love and joy. Thank You.

I pray for the world to be a better place and for humankind to grow kinder and more compassionate everyday. Thank You

Eileen