Dearest LB & GY,
I am unsure whether people say Grandma is in a better place, Grandma has lived a full life, Grandma is united with Grandpa - to just make ourselves feel better. On one hand, it makes sense. She had suffered for the last 10 years or more, I can't even remember.... and she had been lonely. And thus, as she passes on peacefully, she is in a better place.
I want to believe it too. Because it pains me to know that all these years, she had suffered in loneliness. I don't know what happened. I really regret not spending more time with her. I didn't know that the last time I spent an afternoon with her, taking photos and videos, would be my last ... I thought when I said my prayers for all of my family, loved ones and friends to live long and prosperous lives, it'd be true.
I don't deal with losses very well. I get very attached, and I know in Buddhism, it tells us, teach us not to get too attached to things because all things are never permanent.
I am pained by the fact that no family was with her at the time she passes on.
I am pained by the fact that .... there will be no more conversations with her.
But I never had much conversations with her - for the last ten years and maybe more. I really cannot even remember what happened and how I grew ... apart from her. There are stuff that I wanted to do with her - I wanted to take her to Colmare, I wanted to take her on the train ride.... but I know these are things that will stress my Mom out and.... of course, I am not blaming anyone. This is but my own regret. I should've done it.
I want to know if me believing that she is in a better place, that she is united with Grandpa and will be happy hereon..... is just to make myself feel better?
I hate knowing that I can no longer see her face. I want to know if she had been happy. If she had lived a full life. I want to know how she really felt. My Mom said she cried, as in there were tears while she was unconscious. I want to know if she was sad, or scared? She was ready to let go?
That's three grandparents whom I have failed to be by their side at their last moments. I can't take it very well. Because what everyone tells me from thereon, I know is only to make me feel better.
There must be a whole chapter in your teachings that I have failed to understand as yet.
Why do we need to deal with losses of loved ones? Why do we need to deal with the pain?
I feel a little down because it's not easy to deal with this for me.
I can't even try to begin piecing together how I feel. I just feel very emotional.
If you asked me, do I miss her - I think yes, I do. I want to be able to see her one more time.
We always ask for that one more time, only when it is too late.
Dearest LB & GY,
I need your guidance, in helping me work out this part of life. This,.... this dealing with loss of a loved one. That it was unimaginable for me to now face the fact that ..... Por Por is no longer around. It appears to be a great relief for everyone - especially on my Mom. Not that she is evil, but I know she is very tired. It is only for my own selfish benefits that I wanted Por Por to be around forever. And I really thought she would be.
I am at fault for taking that for granted.
Dearest LB & GY,
I feel so scared, so scared now at losing my loved ones. That I simply cannot grasp the fact that nothing is permanent. That we have to accept and deal with this. If there is a book or a chapter that I can look up, read and study, please guide me towards it. As I need it.
Dearest LB & GY,
I pray anyway, for Por Por's soul to rest in peace and to find the calm, peace and serenity that had eluded her when she was still around. I pray that she is happy finally and is united with Kung Kung and may they gallavant the lands of heavens in a happy-ever-after fashion.
I pray. I really do.
Please let me know in some ways, one way, anyhow....... guide me to find the answers I need.
Thank you.
Eileen
I am unsure whether people say Grandma is in a better place, Grandma has lived a full life, Grandma is united with Grandpa - to just make ourselves feel better. On one hand, it makes sense. She had suffered for the last 10 years or more, I can't even remember.... and she had been lonely. And thus, as she passes on peacefully, she is in a better place.
I want to believe it too. Because it pains me to know that all these years, she had suffered in loneliness. I don't know what happened. I really regret not spending more time with her. I didn't know that the last time I spent an afternoon with her, taking photos and videos, would be my last ... I thought when I said my prayers for all of my family, loved ones and friends to live long and prosperous lives, it'd be true.
I don't deal with losses very well. I get very attached, and I know in Buddhism, it tells us, teach us not to get too attached to things because all things are never permanent.
I am pained by the fact that no family was with her at the time she passes on.
I am pained by the fact that .... there will be no more conversations with her.
But I never had much conversations with her - for the last ten years and maybe more. I really cannot even remember what happened and how I grew ... apart from her. There are stuff that I wanted to do with her - I wanted to take her to Colmare, I wanted to take her on the train ride.... but I know these are things that will stress my Mom out and.... of course, I am not blaming anyone. This is but my own regret. I should've done it.
I want to know if me believing that she is in a better place, that she is united with Grandpa and will be happy hereon..... is just to make myself feel better?
I hate knowing that I can no longer see her face. I want to know if she had been happy. If she had lived a full life. I want to know how she really felt. My Mom said she cried, as in there were tears while she was unconscious. I want to know if she was sad, or scared? She was ready to let go?
That's three grandparents whom I have failed to be by their side at their last moments. I can't take it very well. Because what everyone tells me from thereon, I know is only to make me feel better.
There must be a whole chapter in your teachings that I have failed to understand as yet.
Why do we need to deal with losses of loved ones? Why do we need to deal with the pain?
I feel a little down because it's not easy to deal with this for me.
I can't even try to begin piecing together how I feel. I just feel very emotional.
If you asked me, do I miss her - I think yes, I do. I want to be able to see her one more time.
We always ask for that one more time, only when it is too late.
Dearest LB & GY,
I need your guidance, in helping me work out this part of life. This,.... this dealing with loss of a loved one. That it was unimaginable for me to now face the fact that ..... Por Por is no longer around. It appears to be a great relief for everyone - especially on my Mom. Not that she is evil, but I know she is very tired. It is only for my own selfish benefits that I wanted Por Por to be around forever. And I really thought she would be.
I am at fault for taking that for granted.
Dearest LB & GY,
I feel so scared, so scared now at losing my loved ones. That I simply cannot grasp the fact that nothing is permanent. That we have to accept and deal with this. If there is a book or a chapter that I can look up, read and study, please guide me towards it. As I need it.
Dearest LB & GY,
I pray anyway, for Por Por's soul to rest in peace and to find the calm, peace and serenity that had eluded her when she was still around. I pray that she is happy finally and is united with Kung Kung and may they gallavant the lands of heavens in a happy-ever-after fashion.
I pray. I really do.
Please let me know in some ways, one way, anyhow....... guide me to find the answers I need.
Thank you.
Eileen
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