Dearest LB & GY,
Today, I wish to just be honest.
I've really been trying consciously at least, to stay positive, do good and think good and keep the faith. Point is, I do not want to derail and go off-course again and generate all the negativities that had plagued me last year and I do not wish to generate any negative energy coming my way either. Sometimes, it is hard, and I know I have a lot to work on when it comes to my patience and understanding. I'm judgemental most of the time without first being understanding. I expect people to behave the way I do or do things the way I do and I know I need to work on this.
I've been greatly disturbed by one of my business partnerships and typically me, I'd like to dig and find out the cause, I am on the defensive, I plain just want to know what the hell happened. I want to learn to always be at peace and calm and to let things go without needing to go on a witch hunt. I know that staying positive means if one thing doesn't go according to plan, it means something else is going to open a door. This is called having faith, am I right? I don't want to be this bad person who is hell-bent on making sure the mistake or the fault didn't lie with me in the whole fiasco. I want to be a good person and I need to find the peace required to learn and to accept that sometimes, things are just better that way. Can I?
Today in particular - I don't feel good. But, I'm still ok. I'm not in a foul mood or anything like that. I found myself thinking of evil retorts to this guy who walks into the gym every morning with a huge sulk on his face and he said something about me using the treadmill. I wanted, so much wanted to be sarcastic to him. But I held my tongue. I had about five retorts playing in my head. The fact that I didn't hear clearly what he said made me think that perhaps, it is better that way. I reminded myself to think good thoughts and do good deeds. But I just couldn't bring myself to smile at him and say anything kind. So, the learning curve is very steep, yes? At least, I am one step there. I held my tongue. When can I really start grasping the concept of being at peace always? Of staying calm always? Of totally being an understanding person? Of being the bigger person? When someone sulks at you, smile back. Some days, I honestly don't feel like smiling back. Contrary, I feel like slapping that person.
Sometimes, I know that my prayers are not answered. But I still keep the faith because I know that everything happens for a reason and as long as the important bits are met, I am thankful. I will keep praying because I have somehow found my peace in doing so.
Still, I do wish for that big break. I pray for that big break. Not just for myself. I pray for it for my loved ones too. For my family, - for my Mom & Dad because they have been through so much hardships to raise me and my brother, I want them to have that big break so that they can enjoy more of life. I'm not saying that they aren't already enjoying life. They probably are. And I know that they are thankful for it too. But because I love them so dearly, I want more for them. Maybe that big break for them needs to happen via myself or my brother. But this is also part of why I want my big break.
I want my husband to get his big break. Because he has been working loyally and hardworking for a long time and he strives to provide me with whatever I want and he is patient and he does not really complain and because he is gentle and kind, I wish that he will get his big break so that he can do whatever he wishes to do in his life. So that he can achieve his dreams and not feel the burden of having to provide. But if I get my big break, he can so too achieve his dreams.
I want my partners - all of them to get their big breaks too. God knows, we have been trying all ways and means to get things off the ground. I don't want all the dramas and negativities. I am idealistic in that way. I can be shrewd, but I don't think I have it in me to screw someone over. I just want team work where people are happy, the team is cohesive and everyone is kind and supportive with one another. Yes, at the end of the day, work is work. Things need to get done without emotions getting in the way. But I want a rock-solid team that will stick by each other through thick and thin.
I want the children at the orphanage to get their big breaks too. Whatever I can do to give them a small treat here and there, I will do so. Sometimes, I feel like I am doing nothing for them. What I do is so trivial compared to the big scheme of things. These children need better education because I want them to have a better chance at a great future. And I am hoping that my big break could support this dream too.
I want all the world's people to get their big breaks. Because then, the world would be more peaceful. People would be kinder. I don't know.
But what I really want to say is that I am keeping the faith. I am trying to stay positive. I am thankful for a life that has been good to me. I want all the good things not just for myself but for all of my loved ones too. And most of all, I want to be a good person with good actions and good thoughts.
With your blessings and guidance, I will.
Thank you.
Eileen
Today, I wish to just be honest.
I've really been trying consciously at least, to stay positive, do good and think good and keep the faith. Point is, I do not want to derail and go off-course again and generate all the negativities that had plagued me last year and I do not wish to generate any negative energy coming my way either. Sometimes, it is hard, and I know I have a lot to work on when it comes to my patience and understanding. I'm judgemental most of the time without first being understanding. I expect people to behave the way I do or do things the way I do and I know I need to work on this.
I've been greatly disturbed by one of my business partnerships and typically me, I'd like to dig and find out the cause, I am on the defensive, I plain just want to know what the hell happened. I want to learn to always be at peace and calm and to let things go without needing to go on a witch hunt. I know that staying positive means if one thing doesn't go according to plan, it means something else is going to open a door. This is called having faith, am I right? I don't want to be this bad person who is hell-bent on making sure the mistake or the fault didn't lie with me in the whole fiasco. I want to be a good person and I need to find the peace required to learn and to accept that sometimes, things are just better that way. Can I?
Today in particular - I don't feel good. But, I'm still ok. I'm not in a foul mood or anything like that. I found myself thinking of evil retorts to this guy who walks into the gym every morning with a huge sulk on his face and he said something about me using the treadmill. I wanted, so much wanted to be sarcastic to him. But I held my tongue. I had about five retorts playing in my head. The fact that I didn't hear clearly what he said made me think that perhaps, it is better that way. I reminded myself to think good thoughts and do good deeds. But I just couldn't bring myself to smile at him and say anything kind. So, the learning curve is very steep, yes? At least, I am one step there. I held my tongue. When can I really start grasping the concept of being at peace always? Of staying calm always? Of totally being an understanding person? Of being the bigger person? When someone sulks at you, smile back. Some days, I honestly don't feel like smiling back. Contrary, I feel like slapping that person.
Sometimes, I know that my prayers are not answered. But I still keep the faith because I know that everything happens for a reason and as long as the important bits are met, I am thankful. I will keep praying because I have somehow found my peace in doing so.
Still, I do wish for that big break. I pray for that big break. Not just for myself. I pray for it for my loved ones too. For my family, - for my Mom & Dad because they have been through so much hardships to raise me and my brother, I want them to have that big break so that they can enjoy more of life. I'm not saying that they aren't already enjoying life. They probably are. And I know that they are thankful for it too. But because I love them so dearly, I want more for them. Maybe that big break for them needs to happen via myself or my brother. But this is also part of why I want my big break.
I want my husband to get his big break. Because he has been working loyally and hardworking for a long time and he strives to provide me with whatever I want and he is patient and he does not really complain and because he is gentle and kind, I wish that he will get his big break so that he can do whatever he wishes to do in his life. So that he can achieve his dreams and not feel the burden of having to provide. But if I get my big break, he can so too achieve his dreams.
I want my partners - all of them to get their big breaks too. God knows, we have been trying all ways and means to get things off the ground. I don't want all the dramas and negativities. I am idealistic in that way. I can be shrewd, but I don't think I have it in me to screw someone over. I just want team work where people are happy, the team is cohesive and everyone is kind and supportive with one another. Yes, at the end of the day, work is work. Things need to get done without emotions getting in the way. But I want a rock-solid team that will stick by each other through thick and thin.
I want the children at the orphanage to get their big breaks too. Whatever I can do to give them a small treat here and there, I will do so. Sometimes, I feel like I am doing nothing for them. What I do is so trivial compared to the big scheme of things. These children need better education because I want them to have a better chance at a great future. And I am hoping that my big break could support this dream too.
I want all the world's people to get their big breaks. Because then, the world would be more peaceful. People would be kinder. I don't know.
But what I really want to say is that I am keeping the faith. I am trying to stay positive. I am thankful for a life that has been good to me. I want all the good things not just for myself but for all of my loved ones too. And most of all, I want to be a good person with good actions and good thoughts.
With your blessings and guidance, I will.
Thank you.
Eileen
No comments:
Post a Comment